I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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