He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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