I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
