My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
