he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
