my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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