Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize