I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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