I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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