I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
