just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
