Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He passed out mid-signature
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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