so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
