I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can I color on your dick again?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
