I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
