Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
