i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
