can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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