Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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