i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
