I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
