Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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