And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize