I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
