Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize