I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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