That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
