Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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