Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
