You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize