whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
