I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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