There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
