Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
