I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
