Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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