im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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