so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
