My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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