Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
