So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
