if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
