so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Im part way to drunk.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize