Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
