i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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