Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
