Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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