that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
