it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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