Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
