Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
