Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This house was built for laser tag.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Randomize
