Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Boobs speak an international language.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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