I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
