your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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