The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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