My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
