Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
