he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
