Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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