first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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