remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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