If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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