How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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