Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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