I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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