mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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