wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize