we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
