Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
