Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
