What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
