My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
