Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
