just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
