1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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