so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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