Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The adults are the big ones right?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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