if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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