she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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