Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
