hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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