Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The uberlube is also flammable
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
