so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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