My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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