I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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