so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
