she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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