his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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