worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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