You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
