I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
