If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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