You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
