im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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