at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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