someone get that fucking seahorse.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
