I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
