My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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