Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
