Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
