You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
